


Dancing Lights

by RhoscPixie



Series: Hush, Scream [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series), Critical Role (Wildemount Campaign)
Genre: Amnesiac Mollymauk, Caretaking, Gen, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Team as Family, Vomiting, spoilers for episode 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 02:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14439405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhoscPixie/pseuds/RhoscPixie
Summary: Mollymauk's shotty memory comes with the price of some pretty terrible headaches. He's not very good with dealing with them, but lucky for Molly, he has some friends who are.Another self indulgent installment ofHush, Scream's ongoing Caleb and Molly hurt/comfort saga. (This story is a standalone companion, taking place after the first two)





	Dancing Lights

**Author's Note:**

> Hello yes I am back with more self indulgent hurt/comfort because as previously stated, this stuff is my jam yo. 
> 
> This is mostly inspired by my own migraines, and I've included most of my own symptoms in it. I actually came up with the idea when I got a migraine last month (because my brain doesn't know the meaning of 'now is not the time to be doing this') and this thing fought me every step of the way. But in the end, I am the victor.
> 
> There is vomiting (an unfortunate side effect of migraines that I luckily do not get, but many people I know do, hence the inclusion), and if you are emetophobic, it is contained within the === break and is only a paragraph. It's not crucial to the storyline, and can 110% be skipped without missing anything. (HTML code hates me, otherwise it would have been a line break. But whatever HTML coding.)
> 
> GIGANTIC, HUGE, INCREDIBLY APPRECIATIVE THANK YOU to ladyofrosefire for betaing!!! I cannot say enough kind words to say how appreciative I am, so instead I encourage everyone to go check out her works! She's lovely, you'll really enjoy her stuff :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Critical Role cast or characters, they belong to themselves, their creators, and the brain of Matthew Mercer, to whom I humbly gape at because wow is he talented. Apologies if any characters are out of character.

It was just a few spots, at first.

Like when Molly stared for too long into the glowing orbs Caleb could make, just tiny dark spots dancing around his vision, shimmering for a few moments before fading out.

"Everythin' alright?" Fjord asked, eyes lined with concern. Molly blinked a few times, and shook his head before turning to the half orc with a smile.

"Fine, just fine." Molly said. After all, there was no use worrying anyone about spotty vision.

In retrospect, maybe Molly should have said something.

________________________________________________________________ 

If he had to guess, Mollymauk would say that some of his wonky memory came from a solid whack on the head. His first clear memory of the circus is paired with one hell of a headache.

He had also, so he was told, stumbled into the circus with his face and neck covered in blood and dirt.

_"You scared the shit out of Gustav," Yuli said one night almost a year later._

_"Yes, seeing you covered in blood and manic eyed, saying 'Empty' over and over was certainly a dramatic entrance." Gustav said, setting a drink down next to Mona._

_"Should have known then you liked theatrics." Bo said with a roll of his eyes and sly grin. Mollymauk smiled, but his hands wrapped around his mug like a safety line._

Of course, a good night of drinking could do almost the same thing and give you a better story--and Molly is all for a good story-- but the head injury would explain a lot more things than "got really really drunk and wound up buried in the dirt."

Like the swords that could light up with ice and radiant energy at the touch of his blood, the scars that crisscrossed his body, the innate abilities he could just do but not explain.

Yeah, the bar story didn't really cover a lot other than the memory. Meeting (re-meeting? Molly didn't really know what to call it, to be honest) Cree didn’t help either, especially since Molly now knew that it meant that he was _left_ in the dirt, on purpose.

(Mollymauk refused to linger on that idea for too long. Too many nightmares as it was.)

The 'knock on the head' spin was certainly a better story than _that_ , at the very least.

It also explained the recurring headaches Mollymauk discovered he was prone to shortly after that first week.

At best they were annoying, especially when Mollymauk had things to do.

But at worst.

It was a long few days at worst.

________________________________________________________________ 

The shimmering lights were just a precursor of things to come, as it turned out.

The spotty vision occurred early in the morning, when the Mighty Nein was on their way to the Pentamarket. Fjord had commissioned... something from the Pumat Sols, and...

Honestly, Mollymauk had spaced out during their breakfast conversation. But Beau, loud and unpleasant as ever, eventually declared that they were going to The Invulnerable Vagrant and then to look around the Pentamarket, and no one argued, not even Caleb, who was so buried in his book he didn't notice Jester draw several dicks in his spell book.

(Molly might have assisted by asking Caleb to describe what he was reading while Jester flipped through the pages. Tieflings and chaos went hand in hand, after all.)

"I will do whatever you want, but you are being far too loud for anyone to get reading done." Caleb retorted.

Molly wasn't one to complain about noise, but today he had to agree with Caleb; the combined chatter of the tavern with the shove of chairs, the scraping of knives against plates, cups slamming onto tables, Jester's cheers as Yasha beat Beau at arm wrestling, again, he could barely think over it all.

"But somehow you're still reading." Fjord pointed out, gesturing to the book in Caleb's hands with a piece of bacon and a grin.

"Well, yes, because it is a very good book and I am used to this _Scheiße_ now." Caleb countered, turning another page. 

Fjord's laugh was hearty and grated on Molly's nerves. Maybe it was because he hadn't slept well. Too many nightmares of clawing his way out of the dirt.

"Molly." At the sound of his name, Mollymauk turned to look at Yasha, who was staring at him with a critical eye. "You've been rather quiet this morning." She asked.

"Got a lot on my mind." He said. Yasha had, after all, been the one to wake him out of the last nightmare before he gave up trying to sleep. "Bacon?" Yasha accepted the bacon without pressing for an answer, but gave him a look that said that she wasn't convinced.

"So, Beau," Molly said with a grin. "What's it like to lose to Yasha seven times in a row?" Beau smacked Molly in the arm while Jester giggled, and grumbled something under her breathe. Molly could feel Yasha still staring at him, eyes drilling into the back of his head, but he ignored it.

________________________________________________________________ 

As it turned out, Yasha had gained a new ability while she was away, because the eyes drilling into the back of his skull had given Mollymauk a stiff neck. He wasn't sure how that worked, but then again, it was Yasha.

"Did you like, sprain your neck or something?" Beau asked. Molly looked at Beau, suddenly realizing that his hand was halfway to rubbing at the base of his skull. “That’s like the third time in ten minutes you’ve rubbed it.”

"Must have slept on it funny." Molly said, lowering his hand. "Pillows at the inn aren't the most comfortable. Not that you'd know." Beau narrowed her eyes.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Mollymauk grinned at the monk.

"Oh, nothing." He said. "I just hear a rumor that you slept on the floor."

"There are two beds in each room, and I have a bed roll." Beau pointed out.

"Could have shared a bed." Mollymauk said. His grin turned far too toothy to be a friendly one. "I know that Yasha is an excellent bedmate." 

Beau spluttered, turning beat red.

"Oooh! Or maybe we could share a bed!" Jester said, hopping up and down alongside Beau.

"You are a menace." Fjord said to Molly, shaking his head fondly. 

Molly simply gave a little bow. "Be the chaos you wish to see in the world, Fjord." Molly reminded him, and strolled on ahead to join Yasha, who was being interrogated by Nott.

"Do you have a family? Did you kill your family?!" Nott's questions were getting to be more and more outrageous, and not even Caleb could reign her in.

"Yasha has a brother." Molly said, looping an arm around Yasha's. "Devilishly handsome, incredibly charming, fantastic with cards." 

Seeing Nott's victorious grin, Yasha dashed all hopes and dreams the goblin had by clarifying, "Mollymauk is talking about himself." 

Even Caleb chuckled at Nott's face, all scrunched up in grumpy disappointment.

"Am I wrong?" Molly asked.

"You're not that charming." Yasha deadpanned, but Molly could see the corners of her lips turning up ever so slightly into a grin.

"Lies and slander!" Molly declared, throwing his hands up into the air. "I am as charming as the person I learned from."

"And that is...?" Caleb prompted, now invested more in the conversation than his hunt for the shop Pumat had mentioned days prior.

"Yasha, of course." Molly said with a smile. "She was the circus' charm, after all."

And then his vision danced, like a swarm of gnats, or the haze of summer heat, or staring at Caleb's lights for too long. Mollymauk stopped, staring blankly at the strange haze across his eyes, and nearly jumped as Fjord placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Everythin' alright?" He asked. Molly thought for half a second about telling Fjord what happened, and then looked at how concerned Fjord seemed.

"Fine, just fine." Molly said with a smile. The concern melted from Fjord, and he clapped the tiefling on the shoulder before mentioning that they should catch up to the others.

It _was_ fine, after all.

________________________________________________________________ 

When the stiff neck turned into a dull throb of a headache, Mollymauk realized that maybe he wasn't as fine as he had thought. It had crept up on him, the headache. He hadn't had one in months, ever since— 

Ever since before the circus split.

The reminder of his family, the people who brought him out of that dark place, who helped him find himself, remembering that they were scattered to the winds, that hurt more than the headache.

Toya had been devastated, hopefully Bo and Orna were taking good care of her. They'd be good for each other. And Desmond, gods, where was he even headed? Maybe he'd find Yuli and Mona. Maybe Yasha had seen the Knott sisters since her last Yasha-ing. Molly had forgotten to ask.

The bookstore Caleb had dragged them into (this one _not_ a porn shop, to Molly's slight disappointment) wasn't too large, so Molly had no issue finding Yasha. She had been dragged off by Jester, who had heard a rumor that Tusk Love had a sequel. The other tiefling was gushing about the book when Molly sidled up to them, telling Yasha about how beautiful Oskar's love for the heroine was.

"Have you read _Tusk Love_ , Molly?" Yasha asked, sounding vaguely amused. "I've heard it's wonderful." Molly opened his mouth to respond,

and nothing.

It was like his brain had decided to up and leave, or turn to mush, and there were just

—no words.

Or maybe there were. He heard himself say

"Not yet." After what was probably too long a pause.

The words were coming like honey, thick and slow moving. They sat heavy on his tongue. It felt wrong, made him uneasy. Molly wasn't a stranger to not having words, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

Jester pulled Yasha's attention away from Molly, going on about, about, about something and Molly wasn't listening anymore because the left side of his face and scalp had gone numb and tingling and Molly was becoming convinced he was dying all over again.

He stumbled away from Yasha, hearing nothing but the roar of his own blood in his ears, clawing his way out of the dirt again and there was an arm on his hand—a _hand_ on his _arm_ get it _right_ Mollymauk—leading him out of where he was and—

Gods, had the sun always been so bright and so loud?

Molly lifted a hand to shield his eyes, stumbling before he caught himself. Or maybe it was the person with him, he isn't that sure.

"-auk! Mollymauk! Nott, get Jester, hurry." Caleb was talking in his ear, sounding panicked and worried. 

Molly went to tell Caleb he was fine, but all that came out was "mffffnn" and it felt like someone had shoved cotton into his mouth while he wasn't there. His stomach flipped and he tried to get away from Caleb, but the wizard was the only thing keeping him up, and then his stomach flipped again.

================================================================================ 

Mollymauk yanked his arm out of Caleb's grasp and, squinting through the throbbing pain eating away his brain, stumbled towards an empty alley. There, he retched and retched until what little breakfast he had eaten was up. He stumbled and nearly face planted into the vomit, but Caleb caught him and guided him away from the mess and towards one of the buildings.

"I'm fi-" Molly retched again, mostly throwing up bile as the pain shot down his spine and up his neck. "'m f-" more bile splattered against the cobblestone, and Molly heaved and heaved as he tried to make himself stop, tried to tell Caleb that he was fine, really, that no one needed to worry about him, and suddenly there was a hand on his back and a hand holding his bangs off his forehead and Caleb saying

"It's alright Mollymauk, it's alright."

================================================================================

"Caleb?! Mollymauk?!" Jester's panicked voice seemed shrill to Molly. 

He groaned, half from the noise and half from what his stomach had made him do. Caleb shushed him, honest to Gods _shushed_ him, and called over Jester.

"We're over here." He said, keeping his voice low enough to not bother Molly, but loud enough to get Jester's attention. 

There was the sound of skittering footsteps, too many to just be Jester, and suddenly most of the sun was blocked out. Molly saw the familiar boots he had suggested Yasha buy eight months and countless towns before, and stared listlessly at them. She knelt down next to him, blocking the sun from his eyes. Gods, why was everything so bright?

"You," She said, voice low and deliberate. "Are not okay." 

A new, cool hand swept his bangs back, and Molly choked on what should have been a laugh, but turned out to be more of a sob. Yasha's hand guided Molly's head to rest against her shoulder, and covered his eyes. Sunlight still peaked in through her fingers, but the darkness helped, gods, for once being in the dark helped. Caleb still sat next to him, running a hand up and down his back in an awkward but soothing way.

"What is wrong with Mollymauk?" Jester asked, a high tremor in her voice. Through Yasha’s fingers, he could see Jester’s hands wringing, tail twitching in nervousness. 

Molly wanted to reach out and hug her, say that it was nothing and he'd be fine, but his head was hurting like it would explode and the words were still floating away, and there was something wet dripping down his face but Molly didn't care and cared too much.

"He's not dying, right?" Molly heard Beau ask, and gods, if he was, this was a miserable way to go.

"Mollymauk will be alright." Caleb said.

"Are you sure?" Nott asked. "He hasn't been poisoned?"

"It's just a bad headache." Yasha clarified, adjusting her hand across Molly's eyes. He reached out with his free hand, grabbing at open air until Yasha got the message and gave it a squeeze. "Happened at the circus every few months."

"I can heal him!" Jester said.

"It would be a waste of a spell." Yasha said. "Potions don't work either."

"Oh." Jester sounded like someone ate all her bear claws and her mother forgot her birthday all at once, and it _killed_ Molly just the tiniest bit more than he thought possible.

"That's one hell of a headache." Fjord muttered. "Anything we can do to help?"

"Kindly shut the fuck up." Mollymauk said, voice scratchy and weak. "I'll be fine." Yasha let out a long sigh.

Molly was very familiar with that sigh.

It was Yasha's "We're going to have a long talk about this when you're not bleeding/in pain/possibly dying/drunk" sigh.

"Yes, you will." Caleb said.

Wait, what?

"I can bring Molly back to the inn, I am done shopping for today." Caleb said. "And I know you still need to see Pumat about your sword, ja?" Next to him, Molly heard Yasha murmur in reluctant agreement. "I have seen these kinds of headaches before, I will get Mollymauk settled and he will be back to himself by tomorrow."

"More like three days from now." Yasha said. 

She’d been through enough of these monster headaches with Mollymauk to know if it was going to be bad. The last time it was this bad was about two months before Trostenwald, while the circus was in transit. It hadn’t been a pretty time. Mollymauk swallowed thickly, trying to get his stomach to work with him.

"What the _shit_ kind of headaches are those?" Beau asked in disbelief. 

Even though it was most likely rhetorical, Molly slurred, "Ba' ones."

"Well nevertheless, I can at least make sure he makes it back without collapsing into a puddle of his own vomit." Caleb said, hand stilling on Mollymauk’s back.

"Thank you." Yasha said, earnest. She gave Molly's hand a squeeze and removed her hand from his eyes to help him up. It took both her and Caleb to get him on his feet, still unsteady as he tried to look past the brightness of the everything around him. Yasha stepped in front of him and pressed a soft kiss to his hairline, right where he once said it felt like his scalp was ripped and numb during an equally bad headache.

"I can talk to them." She offered. 

Molly nodded, too miserable to argue. Gods, what a sight he was, vomit probably down his front, sniveling over a headache. Yasha sighed again and rested her forehead against his, cradling the back of his head with her hand. They stayed like that for a moment before Yasha pulled away.

Caleb wrapped one of Molly's arm's around his waist and draped the other across it shoulders, steady as Molly wavered.

"Let's get you into a dark room and away from the sun." Caleb murmured. "The inn should be quiet this time of day, you can sleep off some of it." Molly just nodded, head throbbing in time with his heartbeat.

"Wait!" Jester called, and walked over to Molly. She fumbled around for a minute, before she took out a small bundle of herbs from her healer's kit and pressed it into Molly's free hand. "This might be able to help, it's for headaches." In a stage whisper, Jester added "Normally I use it when Beau is really hungover and super grouchy." 

Molly cracked a grin as Beau spluttered indignantly, and Jester wrapped her arms around his middle. 

"Feel better Molly." She said, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before stepping back.

"Here's the key to our room." Fjord said, handing it to Caleb. "Take care of him for us?"

"Of course." Caleb said, and Molly was struck at how genuine Caleb and Fjord both sounded. How genuinely they _both_ cared about Molly's wellbeing. Molly swallowed hard, and it had nothing to do with his turning stomach.

"Caleb will take good care of you." Nott promised Molly. "He's… he’s very good at it." 

Well, that was a story for another day, Molly absently thought to himself.

Beau said nothing, but awkwardly patted Molly's shoulder as he and Caleb walked by.

Classic Beauregard.

________________________________________________________________ 

The trek back to the inn was uneventful save for a few false alarms and Molly apologizing for them.

"It is fine, Mollymauk." Caleb said every time. "There is nothing to apologize for."

Mollymauk still apologized.

The barkeep helped Caleb get Molly up to his and Fjord's room, unlocking the door for Caleb and offering to send someone up if they needed anything. Molly was going to say that he was _fine, goddamnit_ , but Caleb beat him to it.

"A cup of very strong tea, as strong as you can make it, with honey, and then a second cup of hot water, and either ginger or mint if you have it." Caleb said as he deposited Mollymauk onto his bed.

"I'll send it up as soon as it's done." The barkeep said, and left Caleb and Molly alone.

"You don't need to stay." Molly said, leaning to unlace his boots. The world spun wildly, tilting and swaying, and Molly thought better of it. He could sleep with his boots on, he'd done it before.

"I am very aware." Caleb said, and knelt to unlace Molly's boots. "But you are my friend, and you have done the same for me, so I would like to do the same for you."

"...don't keep score." Molly said, feeling very tired all of a sudden. Caleb stopped mid yank of Molly's left boot.

"Mollymauk, I am not keeping score." Caleb said, choosing every word very carefully. "I am helping my friend, because that is what friends do." 

There was a moment in which neither spoke, not knowing what to say. Finally, Molly couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"My head hurts." 

It wasn't the best thing to say, or the most eloquent, and Molly's voice cracked the slightest bit when he said it.

But it was honest.

Caleb removed the second boot and offered Molly an empathetic smile.

"I know. It must feel like Jester and Yasha beat it to a pulp."

"Beau helped." Molly muttered, leaning forward to rest his throbbing, aching head on Caleb's shoulder. "Beau would love to help." 

Caleb let out a snort of laughter and patted Molly's shoulder. "She does like to hit things." Caleb agreed. "Can you sit up Mollymauk? I'm going to steal Fjord's blankets to hang in the window."

"Steal mine." Molly said, slowly sitting up. "Never use 'em."

"We will compromise." Caleb said, and took one blanket from each bed and using the chair and some of his silver thread, blocked out most of the sunlight from the window.

As the room darkened, Molly let out a shuddering sigh and leaned back against the bed, closing his eyes.

There was a knock at the door, and Molly flinched. His head pounded and his stomach rolled. Molly didn't catch what Caleb said, but he heard the door close softly and then the bed dipped.

"I have tea, it will help." Caleb said. 

Molly cracked open one eye, and he saw Caleb offering a steaming cup of tea. 

"Drink." Caleb said, handing the cup to Molly as he took the plants Jester had given him in exchange. 

Molly had forgotten he had them. His grip had left them slightly sweaty.

It was a very strong cup of tea, almost too bitter to drink, with far more honey than Molly would normally like. But it was soothing in a ritualistic way, like praying over his swords or watching Yasha admire thunderstorms.

As he drank the strong, honeyed tea, Molly watched as Caleb prepared the other cup. He placed the mint and ginger into the hot water with Jester's herbs before rifling through his own pockets for something which he added as well.

"This might not taste wonderful," Caleb said, stirring the cup with a sprig of mint. "But it will get the job done." 

Caleb swapped mugs with Molly, setting the half empty cup on the rickety table between the two beds. Molly took a hesitant sip of the second mug. It too was bitter, like willow and some other herb Orma occasionally gave him when the headaches got too bad (like this one, gods Mollymauk missed the circus some days), and there was the warm ginger and the cool mint and overall it was an incredibly strange combination of flavors. But it did the trick. By the time Molly was done with the cup, the pain was down to a low thrum instead of a mind numbing horror show that it had been not even ten minutes before. Caleb took the empty cup and set it next to the mug of tea.

"'m tired." Molly said. 

The little light that filtered through the blankets still stung his eyes, and it felt that his body moved at one speed while his mind lagged behind. Why was having a headache so _exhausting_? 

"Then sleep." Caleb pulled up the blanket and tucked it around Molly. "The others won't be back in a few hours, and I will be here if you need anything." 

Mollymauk nodded, words too slippery for him right now. But there was one question that was poking at him. "How'd..." Molly trailed off, losing his thoughts to the haze of pain and exhaustion.

But Caleb understood, despite it.

"...my mother." He said in a voice very soft and very distant. "She would get similar headaches." 

Molly reached out and took Caleb's hand. "Thank you." 

Caleb smiled, sad and comforting all at once. Caleb snapped the fingers of his free hand and Frumpkin landed with the grace only a cat could have on the bed. The cat made his way towards Molly's head, purring and kneading his way up to Molly's face. He gave a long, deliberate lick to Molly's cheek before settling down in between his horns as though this was a normal, casual, everyday occurrence.

"Sleep, Mollymauk. You'll feel better soon enough." Caleb pulled a book out from a pocket without another word.

Between the two drinks Caleb made, along with the dark room and Frumpkin's soft, warm, purring cuddles, it wasn't long before Molly drifted towards sleep.

He woke a few times.

Fjord came in at one point, placing a cool hand across his forehead as Mollymauk blinked up sleepily at him before falling asleep again.

Jester handed him another, just as bitter drink at some point during the night and helped him sit up to drink it.

Nott curled up against him, taking a nap.

Beau poked her head in to ask Yasha how Molly was feeling, then offered to get her something to eat, or at least to sit with Molly.

And it was like Bo checking in on him during that first month but not pushing, the Knott sisters Mona and Yuli helping him sew his coat, Gustav letting him stay, Desmond teaching him how to juggle, Orna helping him with his tattoos, everything Yasha did and still does, Toya helping him find his voice.

It was like a family.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! 
> 
> It is late, and I am tired, so I will keep these notes short(ish).
> 
> TRANSLATIONS:  
> Scheiße- Shit, Crap (German)  
> Ja- Yes (German)
> 
> ...I think that's it? I am far too tired to be doing this, but as is with me, it was a moment of "do it now or do it never" because my brain is overly dramatic. 
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment or come find me on tumblr (avengingpixie) if you'd like to chat, and I hope you have a lovely day/evening/night and now, I am off to bed.


End file.
